“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb” Jeremiah 1:5

During prayer for my children and grandchildren recently, God revealed to me that I have at least three little souls in heaven that I will meet one day. It occurred to me I might have many offspring that I haven’t heard of, and won’t know the extent till I am in heaven.
I miscarried my 5th baby, my eldest daughter miscarried many, God knew them in our wombs, Wow!

The lifestyle of one of my sons in particular, could be responsible for many lost souls, I am sad to say.

Like Job I offer prayer for Gods mercy on them, for sins they commit. Job 1:5.

‘After his children feasted seven days eating and drinking he was concerned that they might have blasphemed or cursed God in their hearts. He offered up prayer and sacrifice for them.’

Like Job this particular day, I was offering prayers for anything they may have done against Him. I felt suddenly overwhelmed with grief and felt that perhaps one of my sons wives, or someone in the family might be contemplating it at this moment. How would I know?

I wept for all the children who that day, would be lost to the earth, and I prayed that none of my family were amongst them.

Of course we are responsible for our own sin, but I believe as Moses prayed for the Israelites when they faced Gods wrath, we may stay His hand for a time and intercede on their behalf.

If I truly believe from conception they are living beings, filled with Gods likeness, as each soul is, then they deserve names. God says he will give us a new name as  Rev 2:17 states. These little ones are those of which the Bible speaks, persecuted, through no fault of their own.

He gave me this prayer that morning.


To My Unborn Grandchild

I’m sorry precious baby
For the way you left the womb,

For the selfishness of Mum and Dad,who’s hearts could make no room.

Had I known of your existence, I would have fought, cried and begged,

To hold you and enclose you

And nurture you instead.

Our Father, He was crying

Your guardian did wail,

As human hands removed you

And your heart began to fail

You’re little body torn apart

Your haven now a hell

If I had known at all dear one

I would have prayed, farewell.

My Jesus held out his hands,

To take your living spirit

And into his breast he pressed you

With love that has no limit.

I know we would have loved you

And one day we will see,

Your precious unique heart and soul

When from our bodies we are free.

I love you.

Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.


How many of your family members are missing?

Posted 2013 originally.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged aborted, discarded, unwanted | Leave a reply






In my desperateness, I opened myself up

To anyone who felt they could partake,

And I mistook this for love.

In my ignorance.

I cared not for consequence,

Refused to think

Beyond myself.

In my stupidity I hid the truth


and denied

That this could be the fact.

In my pride and fear

I sought no help,

Hid my shame away.

In negligence I held you

And refused to let you go

To a loving caring home

That I could not provide.

 In my youth 

Thought that  I would be enough

And never faced tomorrow.

In deceitfulness

I kept the knowledge of your birth

From you,

Thinking that love will find a way.

But it didn’t, and the fact remains

That you will always seek a name.

A face

A place

A Dad.

So in sorrow now I miss you

In misery I cry,

I yearn for you

And cry out to a God

Who forgives my sins

But cannot change the past.


How many of your family members are missing?OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Don’t give up!

RizpahImage result for Rizpah

What a woman! What a mother.

If you don’t know the story of Rizpah or have skipped over it whilst reading your Bible, go back and take another look.

If, like myself you have a broken family, children who have rejected Christ and are dead in sin, then Rizpah is a woman that you can relate to

I have spent endless hours and years trying to find ways to lead my children to Christ. I have travelled mile’s to show them I love them and forgiven hurts, cancelled debts, given gifts and of course prayed for them. But I wonder now if I had the same passion for my children that this woman had.

I have prayed like Hannah, and given my sons to the Lord.

I have begged Jesus, like the woman asking for scraps from the table of the Lord. I have begged, cried, hurt and withdrawn. I’ve taken antidepressants, lashed out at those who’s lives seem better.

Been envious of those whose children love them, honour and have relationships with them.

God has dealt severely with me at times over this and until recently I had been going about it all wrong. what were my motives?  Did I want a pew full of squeaky clean well groomed robots?

Did I want the Hollywood version of the perfect God fearing family who beam at their mother and praise her from the rooftops? He showed me that its not enough to want our children saved from hell, its not enough to want them to go to Church.

The goal of our prayer for ourselves is to love the Lord with all our heart mind strength and put him first above all else.

If we aren’t glorifying God then what are we here for?

If my children are to follow Christ it has to be, because they want and desire Him. I don’t want them to have a lukewarm relationship, they might as well be where they are right now.

In brief, Rizpah was a concubine of Saul and becausImagee of Saul’s broken vows and disobedience to God, his sons were used as public disgrace. They were hung in full view as a warning. it is a terrible shame for a body to be left out like a criminal. It was nothing they had personally done; they were innocent just as our Lord was innocent. However they were chosen because they were Saul’s sons. Now this event appeared to me as a most depressing and dark story when I first took a good look. And I thought

“EWWW”. I couldn’t bear to stand by watching my boys decay like that. It was difficult for Mary to see her son suffer but I imagine it was most horrific for Rizpah.

She fought vultures and carrion by day and wolves by night. She would allow nothing to touch her dead sons’ bodies. She also protected the others who hung there.

She laid sackcloth over a rock and sackcloth represents repentance? So was she interceding for the nation or had she hope of the resurrection to come through our Lord and Messiah?

There is little written about her thoughts or words, but her dedication was heard of by King David and he gathered the bones of Saul’s other sons for Burial when the time came that the bodies were allowed to come down.

She kept vigil alone.

I wonder what God said to her through this time. I don’t believe he would leave her comfortless. For mothers, there are times when we feel desperately alone. And the world probably looked on her with scorn but here is where it began to inspire me. It was as if a light bulb went off within my soul.

God showed me that these bodies are the same as my lifeless (spiritually) dead children.
I pray for them,yes, but have yet to intercede to even the minutest part as long as this woman held vigil.

Yes added up over many long years I have cried and interceded for them. But it became clear to me that the enemy who prowls around seeking to devour is just as rabid and ravenous as these creatures in that day. I have to pray without ceasing that’s clear from the Bible, but its clear to me that I must ask the Lord to teach me to be faithful in this way.

Over the years I have met many mothers in similar positions to myself.  One thing many people tell us is, let go and let God! or, give them to Him and leave them there! this all sounds great in theory and seems easy enough.

But I know that the Bible says some things are to be asked for with faith, some come out by prayer and fasting, ask , seek , knock.  And whilst I know that my Father knows my needs, he also says I must share in his sufferings.

Part of my prayers for my children touches Him right where he is at, with the human race. Lets face it many are called and few are chosen, He wept over Jerusalem, He wept in the garden for all those who would reject him in the future.  He didn’t say “well God I did my bit, now its up to you”.  What does Jesus do even now for each and everyone of us? He intercedes on our behalf to the Father night and day.

What a Saviour!

As Rizpah was heard by King David, and he was moved to compassion, So much more is my Father and King a God who hears.


The good the bad and the ugly

laundryPosted on March 13, 2014

 Technology is great! or is it?

I admit it! I am proud and a bigot.  When it comes to digital technology I have been a digital racist (is there such a thing?) if there is, I am it.  I refused to learn all the social media and other things out there, because once bitten twice shy.  I have had a Facebook account, once.  It didn’t last long.

According to (Prensky, 2001) I am most definitely a digital immigrant.

My head is spinning from how much technology I am expected to know. The more I learn the less I know.

I think that’s the best way to put it.

I am always learning, and consider it a way to keep my grey matter functioning.  I am curious by nature so have to limit the amount of ‘surfing’ that I do.  The internet opens one window which leads to many others and it appears endless the roads you can take with the merest click of a mouse.

Technology can be a wonderful thing, especially for those who have struggled all their lives to find an outlet for learning.  For those who didn’t enjoy reading the need to be able to read to put together games and graphics has certainly inspired many to excel where school couldn’t reach them.

For the physically challenged there is more available to make life accessible. Those confined to beds or shut in, the ones who aren’t confident in society can now have a voice.  It brings the world to us, and can put us on show where we would never have had opportunity before.  Facebook,Skype,Viber , FaceTime and so many new and interesting platforms are making it possible for people to see family and friends wherever in the world they are.

Cyber bullying through family members,  airing dirty laundry online, some of the things I disliked. It really is, in your face! and one of the reasons I dislike Facebook.

You only have to watch talk shows like Insight (SBS) or Q&A, to see that kids are having a say, and interacting with people we would not have had access to before.  Politicians and world changers can be accessed quickly and make decisions based on what the populous is saying.

However young people today need us to speak their language and many schools are now opting to meet them where they are at.  To protect them we need to understand digital security. Education has many forms and one is to teach young people how to treat others. Bullying is always unacceptable no matter the form it takes


For all the advances we have made, there is a downside.  Anything can be open to corruption and abuse.  Hackers, spammers and cyber bullies can make life miserable. Worms, viruses and other nasty bugs are not just a thing for the natural world.

 Most of us know the expense of a crashed computer, lost files, and for some, possibly a stolen identity. I personally watched my daughter suffer cyber bullying through high school on her mobile, to the point of death threats. To this end I guess I refused it point-blank.

The family unit already at risk, of losing the ability to communicate face to face, working families and fast food made it harder for us from the 70’s onward to sit at table together. Most conversation was already on the point of collapse.  

Facebook seems to have made it more possible for us to chat, and twitter means a faster less wordy way to keep up to date and let others know your movements,  yet there still seems to be little relax time, chilling if you like, in the company of others.  I prefer a good old bellylaugh in a room full of people to a smiley face emoticon and LOL or ROFL attached. 

Have you sat in a room with a friend or loved one, in silence, while they texted or read  posts or messages on the mobile?  Just the other day I was amazed when having dinner with a couple in the over 50’s bracket a tad shy of my age LOL, who told us that they visited their adult children in their mid 20’s on a one-off visit which were few and far between.  They left them sitting there alone while they went of to chase demons on Pokemon Go.  Call it a generational gap or whatever you like but sadly I am never going to have the relationships with my children that we had with our parents.th-1

I personally am grateful for Skype, and Viber, as they are the only means I have of seeing my grandchildren and family spread around the country and overseas.  I know I am not the only one left, however I still write letters snail mail on occasion and also add photographs into the envelope.  I guess I am not the only one as Post Australia is still in operation.

Facebook I am not as enamoured with. I tried it a couple of times and have to say I had more people adding me than talking to me.  So I guess they add you to see your photo albums, catch up on where you are at since primary school then move on.

Sadly people are lonelier than ever.

https://youtu.be/rSnXE2791yg , funny look at facebook

https://youtu.be/dRl8EIhrQjQ  worth a look.

Digital etiquette and digital security both ought to be taught at school, And in the workplace.

Things are different nowadays



It’s mind-boggling the capabilities, and for someone from my time, its more than we imagined possible, Sci-fi never inspired our imaginations the way technology is doing today.

Caution is definitely needed nonetheless, as it is easily abused and we need to keep up, so as to stay protected. How do we keep on top of this rapidly changing technology? I have no idea. But I won’t use what I haven’t as yet grasped, and I keep my settings very private.  I don’t put too much information about myself out there either, lets face it, if there is someone who wants to know that much about me they should be able to contact me personally for it.Image result for no resistance

I am curious, but not consumed with technology.  For the most part it was thrust upon most of us in my age group.  I was the one who didn’t want to hand over my passbook for a plastic thing I stick in a wall to get cash.  I have resisted as far as possible, but in the end …


You know it, LOL!